That’s right, I am banging my head against a wall just now!
It’s the frustration that comes with a gripping fear of moving forward with writing – Who will want to read this? Am I actually saying anything that hasn’t been said before? Is it interesting enough? Do my characters have depth? Where am I going with this? Who’s going to care?
Hooray for doubt.
Yippee for staring at a spot on the wall for endless hours, whilst chewing the bottom lip until it bleeds.
Because, while I may be hitting my head against that spot on the wall that I’ve just been staring at, while simultaneously chewing a hole into my lip, I am sincerely looking forward to the next phase.
It’s the “Aha” phase.
No, not the cheesy ’80’s poptastic Norwegian band.
I’m talking about the beautiful moment where everything simply falls into its rightful place and settles into a malleable, if not always coherent, manuscript.
Is it blind faith?
Or is it more scientific; a mathematical form of patterns and universal equations?
When we write we create a world. A world with history, with richness and suffering, which has (hopefully) meaning in its beginning, middle and end.
We take words, sentences, paragraphs, and put them together to create a whole. Analysing their form and sequencing them.
Perhaps we are builders, laying foundations and building walls for a roof, with rooms and windows and doors (Oh My).
Whatever it is that we are; a God, a mathematician, scientist, or builder… (Dare I call myself a writer yet?) Whatever our writing is, there is that moment when we become stuck and frustrated. We place an obstacle of our own making in front of us and call it a road block. We battle with ourselves, our ego rears it’s ugly head and that’s the point we inevitably meet the wall.
So, I ask of you, my writer friends, what dwells beyond your wall?
I’m planning a midnight push tonight: I’m going beyond the wall to seek the “A-HA!” moment.
Not merely because I want to finish this damn book, but because my head really hurts now.